A postman’s deliver-wees to one couple left them horrified – after he repeatedly urinated on their doorstep.
The Royal Mail worker regularly relieved himself outside the home of Luke Osborne, 27, and partner Keyleigh Rawlings, 23.
The couple thought drunks were to blame for the puddles but when they began to suspect the postie, Luke hid in the hall to catch him in the act.
Why didn't he use one of those little red elastic bands, I ask myself? Which says a lot about me.
Another thing struck me about this vignette of modern British life, though. Mr Osborne said: 'This is the Royal Mail, they deliver in the Queen’s name and there he was having a wee on my front step.' True, but I don't think the Queen vets applicants for the service in person.
Also, the Royal Mail is going to be privatised soon, and it will therefore end up as just another corporation. So rapacious, profit-driven free enterprise, not a modified form of feudalism, will be piddling on our doorsteps ere long.