Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the Polls

All the Single Doctors

Identifying Arsewits is not always easy. Certainly the people who framed the YouGov polls on Doctor Who qualify as mild cases, as they refer to the character (as opposed  to the series) by that name. Now whether he's called Doctor Who or not is a vacuum-sealed can of telepathic Denebian mindworms. Peter Cushing played a very human eccentric Doctor Who in two films, and Jon Pertwee was definitely in 'Doctor Who and the Silurians'. But its a bit silly to go around asking people 'Who's Your Favourite Doctor Who?', because many fans will be so apoplectic about the question that they can't think straight about the answer. Not that I get annoyed about that sort of thing. I've literally never written an angry letter in my life. About Doctor Who. So far as I recall. The Seventies were a wild time. Anything was possible.

Not right-wing - note Co-op affiliation. Also, most cake-y Doctor

That said, it's nice to see DW fans (or just people who have opinions about it) broken down by political affiliation. The New Statesman decided to come up with some dodgy claims about the poll, such as 'Jon Pertwee is the most right-wing doctor'. They base this on the fact that Pertwee is the only pre-revival Doctor other than Tom Baker to score above statistical 'blip' level. Indeed, Pertwee scores slightly better than Christopher Eccleston with some demographics. Which is of course FASCINATING.

Pertwee's Doctor, as any fule kno, was pretty left-wing in his attempts to forge peace between different intelligent species and his unwavering hostility to militarism. That's why UNIT and the Brigadier were there, so that a basically left-wing bunch of scriptwriters could bang on about peace 'n' stuff. Which is why, dumbass Guardian New Statesman person, in the 2010 election he had the support of 11 per cent of Labour voters and only 8 per cent of Tories. Yes, I know he didn't stand in that election, but if he had...

Indeed, one obvious point about the poll is that the Seventies Doctors - Pertwee and Tom Baker - still have 'mainstream' fans while the Eighties ones, plus Paul McGann in the Nineties are pretty much forgotten. The same goes for Hartnell and Troughton in the Sixties; too long ago, Daddy-o. And when it comes to the least popular Doctor? Oh, do you really need to ask? Poor bastard, it's not like there's even much money in it.

One rock-solid obvious factoid is that David Tennant really revived the franchise, especially with the laydeez. He wins hands down for overall popularity and scores 55 per cent among female voters. He also has an impressive spread of fans across all age ranges, and British regions. Overall the show itself is popular with all age ranges, but it's not surprising that there's a bias towards the trendy young people.

The Guardian is nearer the mark when it comes to the question of who might play the next Doctor. Dear old UKIP win the Golden Arsewit, with no less than 50 per cent of them opining that the actor should be white, because they are non-racists, obvs. For the Tories it's 33 per cent, and 14 per cent for Labour. UKIP and the Tories are also strongly inclined to a male Doctor compared to Labour and the LDs.

So, to really piss off the Arsewits the next Doctor should probably be someone like...

Andi Osho

Place your bets.